Labor Day is Exhausting

I should be painting the fence, on my way to painting the porch from steps to ceiling. I'm fighting sleep.

I knew Tom wasn't going to show up. He sent 2 short emails saying he'd be here at noon. He also mentioned that he had a pain clinic appt. ... on Labor Day. No big shock when noon rolled around and he wasn't here and I got sleepy as the afternoon dragged on. Lazily unloaded the car and didn't even get around to drying out the canopy until 5:30 - from yesterday's rain at the Lincoln City show. I was lucky that the baskets seemed to have enough air circulation that nothing nasty developed among them.

Called Tom at 5pm. His father wasn't his usual friendly self and had to wake Tom up. Tom was confused. Mentioned being taken off more meds and having to be at his lowest dosage yet. I think he needs to get out of bed and get his circulation moving. No wonder he's confused. He isn't living. He did talk his parents into getting a computer that actually works. Now if he can just figure out how to get one for me.

I need to get out and put some paint on my gate and more of my fence, but I am not feeling all that energetic. I think I burned out an extra day's worth yesterday driving home. I still have the sore throat I had when I woke up in my car at the campground yesterday. If the soreness is from snoring, I must have really been sawing on it, but I don't really have any symptoms of any illness to go with it.

Thinking that this week's baskets should be fun and useful and different. How about some large and small totes with webbing handles and how about some potato masher market baskets..... sounds like a plan. Dogs need walking, wet noses nudging my hands, still haven't found a bra to put on and there are market things drying on the hood of my car and I'm far too burned out to walk the dogs and there's that fucking fence that needs more paint...took me about 4 hours to paint a third of it last week - on just one side. I hate lattice - and it was just primer. Will somebody please clean my bathroom?

Dragging My Heels

I need to pack up my car to leave for Lincoln City for a craft fair. Nice location - MultiCultural Center on 101 - right in front of the campground where I'm staying for 2 nights, by myself, with no tent. I wish I felt better, but I did just get my car serviced at Jiffy Lube and they passed it as ready to go and even checked the tires. I wish I felt as secure about myself.

I'm trying to pack as little as possible, yet still have some comfort with me. Still need to get groceries for myself and to leave in the house for Zach who will take care of the dogs. Nervous about leaving him behind, because Laura, for some unknown reason, isn't going to be here. I count on her to keep him in touch with reality, but I think he'll be ok. I have my phone charged up.

I'm sleeping in the car and taking seagrass and fiber stuff to make garlic baskets and seagrass baskets while I get through the evenings. I have a battery operated lantern, a propane heater and a campstove. Only hoping that they all 3 work once I get power attached to them. Camping simple food and planning to just drink a lot of coffee/cocoa, make oatmeal for breakfast and have soup for dinner. River is selling hotdogs at the show, so I'll do my part there and eat some of them.

So, I have to do these things before I can hit the road and get to the campground:
buy groceries - the fridge and cupboards are actually EMPTY
load the car - most items are gathered and just need to be somehow...loaded
make a pot of soup for Zach - he'll eat it and I think he appreciates having something homemade by Mom, but it takes me about an hour to do that and then I have to remember to call and remind him to turn it off.
one last shopping stop on the way out of town (BaskinRobbins and Fred Meyer)- need some dry ice for the cooler, an alarm clock, batteries, propane, maybe some socks.

I hate spending money on this when I have no idea if I'll make any money this weekend. It has been so hard to get to the point where I could just sit and weave and I just am not happy with my merchandise. I need so much more, but I will be able to work on that when I get back and be more able to hit the Sat. Farmer's Market the next weekend.

Might lose my teaching job after 14 years, because the economy is hitting that hard. We only had 3 students signed up by August. Not good...

I'm thinking a lot about what it will be like to camp out for 2 nights alone. I have my phone, a radio and will sleep in my car. I sort of look forward to it and I'm sort of afraid to charge forward and get going. I've done a good job of preparing myself mentally as far as writing up lists of what to remember to take with and leave behind. I've focussed on minimizing what I take and yet allow for comfort - heat, hot coffee and soup, a shower. I should just dive in and get going. Zach will be home soon and I actually tend to get more done without him.

So, here I go.......

The Morning After

It's not over until the fat lady sings, and I'm not singing until it's over. The bottle of wine I was saving to drink after Brodie is neutered - it's now available to drink in celebration of the removal of the last tree. Something broke in the machinery, so the guys had to quit for the day to come back in a couple of weeks to finish. As it is, when I look toward my back yard through the gate, I see light and not a cave anymore. As it turns out - those are not even Arborvitae. They are pyramidal Cypress trees packed into a row back there. I pulled up most of the ivy and Nate cut back the bushes and blackberries. More to come, before I can drink that wine.

I took all 3 pets to the free vet clinic today. Initially, I found the clinic while desperately searching for a solution to Brodie's need to pee repeatedly on the same spot on the floor. I spent the first 3 weeks he was here housebreaking this dog and come Spring, he started marking the hallway in Zach's end of the house. I built a barricade out of chairs and barstools and eventually, he was happy with marking in front of the barricade. Both spots share the curious fact that they are also located over the seam of my house (it's a double-wide). Sometimes, he poops there, but even when I have taken him outside many times and even on outings, he comes back and leaves a puddle in his favorite spot.



So, we went to the free vet, got shots all round on the house, worming, flea meds, treatment for Brodie's yeasty ears and rabies certificates for the county for both dogs. The neutering certificate never happened because he needs a blood test to determine if he's neutered or intact. The vet didn't know what to say because she could not tell if he's neutered, intact or has balls that never dropped. She thought he had some physical characteristics and behavior that seemed somewhat like an intact dog, yet he's not aggressive and is so sweet and funny. I am thinking that this may be a wake-up call - maybe it's time to try walking both dogs for real instead of pretending like they get walked at all. When I look at all the great things that have happened to me recently in a short period of time, I think I can afford to take time for myself and get some exercise and stop killing myself slowly while I spend virtually all my time looking for solutions to my financially disastrous life.

On the one hand -
1- I'm still behind in my utilities - garbage pickup stopped last week and I'm always late with Comcast. I still have other past-due bills that can't be lumped in with all my old consumer debt - things that must be paid ASAP.

2- Still have years of back tax returns that need to be filed and possibly a year or 2 out of that where actual tax is owed. Add that to my mountain of consumer debt that I can't pay. I still need a minimum of $800 to pay my lawyer to get that solution rolling for me and that is not his entire bill.

3- My car has had very little work done on it the whole 9 years I have owned it and I am incredibly lucky that it is still running. Who knows how much money I need to bring it up to snuff. It is an amazing car, needing tires, tranny work, some kind of work on the electrical and no doubt something is wrong about which I have no possible clue.

4- My house needs a lot of maintenance and remodeling work, just because that's what houses need. I've been waiting to finish painting the living room until Brodie is done peeing in the house, so I can finish by laying down the new carpet when I"m done. I never have time for things like this, because I'm always working to see if I can bring in some income.

On the other hand -
1- I have recently found 2 new sources of income - both of them from selling my baskets. These sales channels come with no promises and the income is uncertain and undetermined, but so far, both have proven very promising from the start.

2- someone paid a year's worth of property tax for my house, so I don't have to worry about foreclosure for another 2 years.

3 - all my pets have just received all their health care needs except for the solution to Brodie's peeing in the house and he might just need to be walked . Treating his ear infection might result in a dog who is more capable of hearing and responding to commands. License tags will be purchased very soon as the budget allows.

4 - Have already received at least half of the badly needed tree work in my back yard. What has been done has been far beyond my expectations. When the work is done in a couple of weeks, it will definitely be a wild dream come true.

5 - Because of the yard work done - just what has been done so far, I can actually use my yard and start teaching at home. As soon as I get a new canopy for the Farmer's Market, I can use my old one for a patio shelter/cover and have students take classes in August. I should be able to afford a new canopy when the holiday sales come and after I've had about 3 or 4 more days of sales.

I was just able to think of 5 good things that have happened to me and only 3 of the old stresses hanging over my head. At this point, I no longer have reason to be concerned about my landscaping, I have 2 new sources of income and with teaching at home will have a third. My house is not threatened with foreclosure and my pet's health needs and licensing have been addressed. I think I can let go and give myself a break - take time to walk every day. There is still a lot to do, but so much stress has been lifted.

MY EXTREME BACK YARD MAKEOVER BEGINS

Welcome to my back yard. It is so dark back there, that the flash went on as soon as I approached the gate. The former owner of my house was eccentric. Well, so am I, but I would not have planted Arborvitae across the lot/fence line, knowing that they were destined to reach 50 ft or more, and quickly if not tended, aggressively pruned and thinned. If I planted them anywhere there would be only half or less, as they should never be that close together.

Management of the trailer park (excuse me: Mobile Estates) reneged on a promise to cut the trees (for they had become trees rather than shrubbery) when I bought my house. The neighbor directly behind me got a bid of $3,000 just to have them trimmed back and neither of us could even go halves on that. His TV antenna has been broken by the branches creeping across his roof. Branches have reached my roof, swallowing a gorgeous heritage cherry and valuable lace-leaf maple on it's way.



















The ground is covered with a thick layer of tree detritus or humus or whatever you call that special dirt that forms on the floor of a forest. Ivy has grown rampant all over that rich layer and up onto a concrete bench, old yard fixtures and things I can't even identify.


The fence is useless - bent down and full of holes. My dogs can only go out on a leash or tie-out or they will immediately leap the fence to explore. Notice that the neighbor's electric meter box is on my side of the fence. The former owner was not only eccentric, he was territorial, cutting a swath out of the neighbor's yard as he proudly planted his tiny little arborvitae, never to see them reach their full height and eventual removal. When my brother helps me replace the fence with something dog-proof, I'll give that swath of lot back to the neighbor. He's a nice man who doesn't care any more than I do how much back yard he has. I just think it would make more sense. I still have plenty of room.
I had already scraped up a considerable layer of that special dirt, forging a path for the arborist who I'd been told was on his way, when I remembered to get my camera to document this exciting event in my life.

I took 38 pictures and came inside to put them up as I wait. It is almost 3pm and they said they would be here by 1 or 1:30. I have to admit I am very excited - I feel like I'm the recipient of an extreme yard makeover. Dale said Nate will scale the trees one at a time and send pieces down for him to run through the chipper, leaving me with yards and yards of barkdust. Hell, he can do three trees at a time, they're so close together. I know it's threatening to rain and is sprinkling a bit, but nobody has called to say they aren't coming. I've already told all the neighbors. Jim is worried about his gazebo and the neighbor behind said to use his yard anyway necessary to get the job done.
I guess I'll go scrape up some more dirt and dog poop and start a compost pile and if I still need something to do, there's always the weeding out front that needs some roundup.

STOP ALLOWING YOUR BANK TO STEAL FROM YOU

I have to get going.I"m late for work, but I want to start this off in hopes that I can somehow reach people. I want to start a revolution - against the banking industry. I want to see people taking their banks to small claims court for excessive fees when they are overdrawn, especially when they're overdrawn because the bank no longer shuts your account down when you are out of money. The bank is inviting you to a loan with an interest rate in 4 figures (that's over 1,000%). I don't know about you, but that's illegal in the state where I live. It's called "usury". It's the reason Jesus freaked out in the temple and went on the rampage against the money changers.

The banking industry has been chastised, but not spanked by the US Government. We should be reporting these fees to the office of the comptroller and we should be taking these banks to small claims court to recover what has been stolen from us. If I make a mistake in my bank book, I might not protest a single fee that brings the mistake to my attention, but when I have a $20 overage that adds up to hundreds of dollars in fees or, as happened to me in '06, a $2 overage that added up to $200 in fees, then this is a bank stealing from low-income people. An estimated 80% of the people they steal from are low-income.

Before you get judgmental and start lecturing me about balancing my checkbook, just attempt to grasp this one concept. I made a small stupid book-keeping error in my check register - or I forgot to register one $2.00 debit taken out by a business that will not allow me to pay them any other way. Because the bank holds transactions for periods they have yet to justify - and because they have a policy of deducting them from high to low - I can be (and was) just $2 in the red (there is no crime in being math impaired). Instead of covering two smaller transactions that came in first and would have been totally covered, the bank policy allowed them to use a larger transaction that had just come in, ignoring the two transactions that they had been holding for no reason that they can justify. The $2 error caused an immediate bounce and instead of one fee, I got hit with three. Then, I got $5 daily overdraft fees on each one until it was paid up. Guess what? Low-income folks can't just rush in and cover something like that - they're in the process of trying to figure out how to scrape up enough to finish paying the water bill before the water is shut off. I had to wait for some online auction sales to happen (not an exact science)and transfer the money from PayPal ASAP. That would have been the money for the water bill, so I was back at square one, trying to raise the water bill again and trying to remember to register every little payment and debit that came out of a bank acct that is increasingly vulnerable to these elements that want permission to dip in and help themselves. The more control you give up, the harder it is to even monitor what is going on in your bank acct, so do not be fast and willing to allow automatic debits.

Let's do something about it once and for all. If the US Govt. won't stop them, then we can. Sue the bastards!!!! Take them to small claims court - for every NSF fee that the statute of limitations will allow you to reclaim. They aren't allowed to send lawyers to court to defend themselves and sending a bank employee leaves the bank vulnerable. Unless they want to hire and specially train people to defend them in small claims court, the bank can't show up in court. They can't use such an employee, because these practices are indefensible in court. The bank has to decide how many of these claims they want showing up in court - opening the banks up to public record, looking really stupid when they lose in court. In most cases, they are going to cut you a check out of court to shut you up. You just have to decide if you want to take the money and run or make a point and show up in court. I think it's kind of pointless and that it's good enough to just get back the money that was stolen from you.Here's a film by someone who did just this and also made his point by documenting the process and the situation.

I don't think my financial circumstances have ever been worse. Yet, there's so much potential shining at the end of the tunnel. It's just so bleak right now, that I'm not sure how I'll get to the end of the tunnel.

I filed tax returns on April 15th - in the morning - not at midnight lined up in front of the post office. I filed Zach's and realized that I have to redo the ones I did for him in 04-06, because I did it wrong and cheated him out of a lot of money. I also have to do my own for 05 and 06, so I'll be ready to file for bankruptcy. Eventually, I have to do 01 - 04, but not sure I can do them without professional help. Got time, since I don't know where the money for filing will come from. Ironically, it could come from George's kickback check, if the feds don't red flag it and keep it. If I got the returns done correctly and if they don't red flat and keep it, then I'll have enough for back property tax and a lawyer. I must have done it wrong.

My desk was delivered and Tom's bed brought back to the condo, which is where I am right now. I'm using his computer whenever I can get over here, because I realized that it was the loss of my computer that has destroyed me financially. I can't produce enough work on the dinosaur that I'm using right now. Tuesday evening, on Tom's computer, I did work that would have taken me a 3 day weekend to complete. I should have thought of this long ago and I would not be in this position where every utility is about to shut off, I can't put money in my bank acct if I want it to actually be paid out for my insurance (I'm in the red because the check I wrote for the Farmer's Market jury was held for 2 weeks and I forgot about it - ironic).

I got into the Farmer's Market. The first Lincoln City show is a month away and then I start the Market in June. Willowbrook starts at the end of June. Busy summer, but if it means income, I can stand it. My focus now has to be on my studio - I have to get into it, start chucking stuff into the trash, hauling things upstairs, until I have workspace in there - a tabletop, chair, buckets, tools on hand and access to materials. I think it can be a work in progress as I weave. I'll allow it to reorganize as I work. I have to stop this obsessive compulsive need to make everything perfect before I"ll allow it to work for me. Getting that space to be perfect is so complicated.

I'm supposed to have my porch painted by June 15th. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I have a huge stack of vintage knotty pine paneling on the benches and no where to move it. It's for finishing my studio and a little of it is for the hall bathroom remodel. I'm not going to have time to do any of that work until August, but I have to move the damn paneling somewhere where it won't be in the way of my work in the studio. sigh.... it was so much work getting it onto the porch. Might have to settle for tarps in the back yard ...

awww gawd, the back yard. I could start at one corner and work my way across, raking the ground, pulling ivy, cutting off limbs, branches, vines, removing dead trees, unwanted bushes, mending the fences and gates and I'll never get done this summer. I want to do it, and it will be beautiful eventually, but it's so frustrating when I just can't spare the time. Yet, I have to get started this year, because the canopy from the trees on the edge of the lot have almost reached my roof - arching completely over my little yard. I'll get pictures posted soon.

I was ready to paint my living room until I realized that I just don't have the time yet. So it sits there stripped down, almost ready - with most of the carpet ripped up and furniture removed to other rooms - awkwardly. I'm not giving up. I finally have a plan that is perfect and all the materials collected. I have the paint I bought 4 years ago, the almost new carpet from Freecycle, some ceramic tile I'm going to use to build a border around the edge of the carpet and tiles for the windowsills because the dogs just scratch up the paint. Their toes skitter across the sample tiles I placed across one of the windowsills and I don't think they like to climb up on it.

I'm frustrated with the dogs, because I just don't have time for them right now. Poor dogs. they deserve better. I need the walking and so do they and I have to work that out in my head. I've got to lose weight. My boyfriend has nearly died from starvation , but he's not only going to survive, I think that his testosterone is building back up (he had measured out at 0 levels). We were watching TV a few nights ago and I felt this hormonal rush that has eluded me for several years, probably because there were just no pheromones coming from him. Now, I'm fatter than ever and look like hell. I need to rescue myself from poverty, obesity and the possibility of losing the man I love. I'm lucky that he loves me back, but he deserves better - we both do.

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