Scream

oh my it's been more than 7 months since I blogged here. Long time gone. My laptop died - totally toasted. Lost everything but my book database, because it was backed up and sent to the software administrator.

OH yeah, this is the blog about my home, trailer court life and yardwork. My cousins sold their place next door and moved out. I haven't talked to the new people and months have passed. I have managed to make myself seem very un-neighborly, but honestly, I'm shy - selfishly shy. They're withdrawn as well. It's all of us. People don't want to talk to their neighbors or maybe I somehow make everyone feel like I'm unapproachable. I'm sure I can mend fences while I'm working in the yard this Spring. Literally.

I've stayed calm and tried to avoid freaking out for 4 years now, but it is not paying off. It is about time to freak out. I still can't pay my property tax and we are approaching time to put it up for auction - the county is breathing down my neck. I can't lose my house. This is where I'm rooted. Take me away and I'm not going to do well. I'll lose my son, my companion dog and probably my little meager business ventures. I'll lose my studio - the one I can't seem to get set up to provide that needed work and classroom space. I just need a little help, dammit.

My baskets are in two galleries now and selling well on Etsy (selling well, means I sell 3, 4 maybe 6 in a month (more at Christmas)and was found there by two galleries - one purchased a wholesale order in NOv. and the one in Sisters took my work on consignment. She called to tell me today that she already had my baskets on display, even though I had not met her requirement for supplying a bio and that she would be wanting more baskets soon. I have 2 good shows lined up so far for this year and am anxious about being able to get enough work done without my studio.

My studio is not set up for weaving because I have to put in too much time trying to get ahead with other ventures. I'm exhausted from spinning my wheels, yet I have the means right here to move forward and even get ahead, if only I could just get this weight off my chest. If I could get my studio set up, I'd have a classroom. I already have students waiting to come here. I can't do it inside my house. It's very unsettling to have that mess in there. I still haven't cleaned up the mess I made weaving for the Labor Day show in Lincoln City.

I can't set up the studio, because I got a filing cabinet and shelf on Freecycle, that will support my desk that is still at Tom's waiting to be moved over here, as it has been for 4 years now. IT's an 8 foot countertop that would be so great for my office, where I struggle with a wimpy, tiny awkward desk arrangement that does not work for me, but I manage. So that mess clogs up my studio, where everything is just piled up and there's no worktable set up, no organization, nothing. I have a space heater, fans for the summer and supplies I've dragged around with me for over 10 years. Can't use it. See the photo of my camp classroom at the top of the page. What I do there could be done here year round, if I could just maintain the classroom space.

It's the story of my life that I get stuck in these ruts because I can't get anyone to help me with major tasks that require something I don't have - like a truck or bigger muscles. Sometimes I feel invisible and insignificant. Maybe I need to let people know that I'm happy to reciprocate by helping them somehow in return. I guess I just thought that was known, but maybe it isn't. I'm not asking for something for nothing. I did enough of that the last time I moved and in all fairness to myself, nobody has bothered to call and ask me to help them move in return. I can help with yard and house work, though. I guess maybe I could try to offer that and see what happens. This situation is so depressing though. I need help and nobody is willing to give me even a couple of hours to move a few things that we didn't get moved 4 years ago. I am very frustrated and depressed.
but, it's all meaningless, if I lose my house because I can't get at least one year's worth of property tax covered - soon. In April the county will begin to make threats and panic will escalate if I can't come up with a solution. I've been trying to put a bunch of stuff on eBay in hopes of raising some money - hell I need the money just to get my lot rent and utilities paid - my income is short over Spring Vacation every year and this year is no exception. I haven't been able to get those items listed, because I'm so scared that I'll sink my time into that and the stuff won't sell or not fast enough to be enough to make a difference. So I'm working on sending baskets to Sisters, trying to get help online from anonymous contributions, dealing with a summons from the hospital bills that went to collections, trying to get my taxes done, being harassed by my federally funded health insurance provider because they don't understand how I can be involved in so much self-employment and make so little money. I'm now in some kind of trouble because I rely on my bank acct alone to keep track of income and expenses and have no accounting system, no separation of business and personal.